Marriage Customs

We saw, recently, that the future work of the Lord Jesus Christ includes the promise that there would be a marriage between the Lord and His chosen ones. This marriage will be the basis of all the His future works. We must be careful not to impose our modern, muscular, postmodern feminism upon the Biblical concept of marriage.

Matt 25: 1-13, “Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom. And five of them were wise, and five were foolish. They that were foolish took their lamps, and took no oil with them: But the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps. While the bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered and slept. 6 And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom cometh; go ye out to meet him. Then all those virgins arose, and trimmed their lamps. And the foolish said unto the wise, Give us of your oil; for our lamps are gone out. But the wise answered, saying, Not so; lest there be not enough for us and you: but go ye rather to them that sell, and buy for yourselves. And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came; and they that were ready went in with him to the marriage: and the door was shut. Afterward came also the other virgins, saying, Lord, Lord, open to us. But he answered and said, Verily I say unto you, I know you not. Watch therefore, for ye know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man cometh.”

While this passage is, primarily, about being prepared for the return of the Son of Man, it also give us an important insight into the culture of ancient middle eastern marriages.

Israel was a patriarchal society and their understanding of marriage was based on Gen 2:21–23, “And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” and Gen 3:16 , “Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.” However this definition was overlaid with customs from ancient times.

Marriages were always arranged, a contract was drawn up and legal papers were drafted defining the rights of the husband and wife. We can verify this from Mat 1:18–19, “Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost. Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a publick example, was minded to put her away privily.” In that case Mary and Joseph were betrothed and legally committed to each other but not yet married and living together. This betrothal took place some time before the marriage but was considered to be legally binding.

The passage we have read illustrates the next phase of a marriage. At the agreed time, a man would go to his intended’s house and take her away to the marriage ceremony. This ceremony lasted seven days or sometimes even more (compare Gen 29:27, “Fulfil her week, and we will give thee this also for the service which thou shalt serve with me yet seven other years.”). The wedding feast would be a time a great celebration. The marriage fest began when the bride and groom arrived at the groom’s house. When they got there the doors would be shut and the ceremony proceed.

When the groom went to the bride’s house he would find his friend, the friend of the groom, (John 3:29, “He that hath the bride is the bridegroom: but the friend of the bridegroom, which standeth and heareth him, rejoiceth greatly because of the bridegroom’s voice: this my joy therefore is fulfilled.”) would hear his voice and know that his job was finished. His task was to stay with the bride during the betrothal period and make sure that she was prepared when the groom came.

The Procession would begin with the groom dressing himself in his wedding garments, wearing a crown of gold, silver or flowers and head towards the bride’s home. He would leave from a place that was kept secret until the last minute to collect his bride. The unmarried women would wait along the pathway with their lamps lit. They would wait until they heard the call, “Behold the bridegroom cometh!” and they would meet him and go the entrance to the bride’s home.

While all this happened the bride would prepare herself for the wedding ceremony. She would bathe herself and then make sure she was ceremonially pure before she dressed in appropriate clothing with many jewels. She would be covered with a veil and then the procession would continue to the groom’s house. Along the way there would be great celebrations would walk, dance, sing and cast flowers along the way. The bride was carried high above the crowd.

When they arrived at the groom’s home they would both go under the canopy or “Chupa” then they would go the bridal chamber and consummate the marriage. The doors would be shut and the feasting would begin. During the marriage feast the bride and groom would be treated as a king and queen. Everyone who attended the feast were given special clothes to wear and the ruler of the feast was responsible for making sure that everything was prepared. It was considered to be a very bad omen if the wedding supplies ran out during the festival and all the guests would say that the marriage was doomed from the start.

The virgins who waited along the street were expected to keep their lamps burning during the procession and then they would go into the wedding feast with the rest of the bridal party. Once the door was shut no one else was allowed to enter into the ceremony so anyone who was invited had to make sure they were ready to go in with the bride and groom when they arrived at his home.

The groom’s family would pay a bride price to her family. This money would compensate the bride’s family for the fact that they were losing someone from their family but was also kept for the bride in case the husband left her later (compare Gen 31:15–16, “Are we not counted of him strangers? for he hath sold us, and hath quite devoured also our money. For all the riches which God hath taken from our father, that is ours, and our children’s: now then, whatsoever God hath said unto thee, do.”)

In the parable we read, we saw how the people involved in the wedding feast were expected to be ready and waiting for the groom to come so that they wouldn’t miss the wedding celebration. This is an important aspect of the entire ceremony. The groom would leave to get the bride at a time of his own choosing and then the rest of the guests would take their cue from that. This would mean that everyone involved would have to be prepared to a certain extent so that they could go to the groom’s home at the proper time and enjoy the feast.

Another aspect is that the guests were provided with the correct garments to celebrate the wedding feast. This adds an extra insight to one of the Lord’s parables about wedding feasts and the need to be ready (Mat 22:11–13, “And when the king came in to see the guests, he saw there a man which had not on a wedding garment: And he saith unto him, Friend, how camest thou in hither not having a wedding garment? And he was speechless. Then said the king to the servants, Bind him hand and foot, and take him away, and cast him into outer darkness; there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”) This fact is also emphasised by John when he was writing about a future time at the marriage supper of the Lamb (Rev 19:8, “And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints.”)

If we understand the context of the wedding ceremonies then we can better understand the meaning of the Lord’s parables about weddings and the need to be ready for the procession and the ceremony.

One very important aspect of the Biblical wedding customs is the fact that there are actually three different phases. The first phase occurs when the arrangements are made by the families, or their representatives. This is the legal and binding phase of the wedding process and the rest involves taking advantage of the privileges after all the responsibilities have been satisfied.

The second and third phases closely follow each other in time sequence and the third will automatically follow soon after the second is started.

If the Lord God plans to marry His chosen ones then He will follow the customs of the Bible as He carries out this plan.

The first phase of the marriage ceremony has already been completed. The legal, binding promise of a marriage has already been satisfied. The bride price has already been paid. This was accomplished at Calvary. The Lord Jesus Christ made promises to His disciples that He would offer them everlasting life (John 3: 16) and that He would come back and take them to be with Himself forever (John 14:2–3, “In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.”) This is the ultimate and most important aspect of marriage as defined by the Lord. (compare again, Gen 2:18–20, “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.”)

The only time that the Lord Jesus Christ was alone was while He was on the cross (Mat 27:46, “And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?”) Apart from that He has always had a close and seamless relationship with the Father (see, John 1:18, “No man hath seen God at any time; the only begotten Son, which is in the bosom of the Father, he hath declared him.”) However, after sin entered into the world, a division was created between men and women, because of sin (the man was to rule over the woman) and everyone has suffered from some form of loneliness ever since. This will all be done away with when the Lord comes and the wedding supper of the Lamb takes place (Rev 21:4, “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.”) The bride will never be alone again.

However, there are still two phases to come, the heavenly groom will come and call the bride away and then the marriage ceremony will be finalised.